American Spy by H. K. Roy

Author:H. K. Roy [Roy, H. K.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781633885899
Publisher: Prometheus
Published: 2019-09-24T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 16

CIA SAFE SEX PRACTICES

Before we begin, I should probably clarify a key point for those readers who are old enough to remember when CIA allegedly stood for Catholics in Action. The title of this chapter does not refer to the rhythm method, or even to holding garlic between your knees until after marriage. It also has nothing to do with Burton Gerber’s stated preference for childless spy couples, or with “denied areas.” It means, quite simply, sex on a safe. While the author has not personally engaged in this particular form of classified hanky-panky, I know that its practice on official CIA property is not all that uncommon. (Rumor has it one especially enthusiastic couple’s reckless abandon shook the safe so much that the dial actually moved back and forth with just enough precision to crack it open, its classified contents spilling out onto the clothing-littered office floor. Talk about tickling the tumblers!)

Sex between CIA colleagues, both during training and overseas, is more common than one might imagine. This should not be all that surprising, however, since the CIA has strict rules governing the ins and outs of which foreigners are considered forbidden fruit. “Thou shalt not fraternize with the enemy” being the overriding principle. Certain foreigners are clearly off-limits, like North Koreans and Canadians. (Okay, not the latter, but you get the point.) For those foreigners not on the “no-fly list,” CIA employees must report any relationship where the employee has developed “bonds of affection” with a foreigner. Which, naturally, raises a question: what if my relationship with Natasha is purely physical and there are no discernible bonds of affection?

Sadly, the CIA does not appreciate this kind of lawyerly nitpicking over its rules. And violation of these rules will land a CIA employee in some serious hot water (including prison, depending on how far it goes). So, CIA employees, as often as not, end up sleeping with other CIA employees. It’s just easier that way. Keep it in the family, so to speak. Sure, we are allowed to sleep with State Department employees, but let’s be honest: who’d want to? And technically, we can sleep with our allies. Inspiring others to follow the rules as she always did, a bombastic blond colleague of mine regularly showed up at official overseas parties, wearing a T-shirt that read, “SLEEP NATO.”

During training, CTs were all stuck together in stressful conditions on remote, secret bases for months on end. Things happened. Our class’s theme song was “Let’s Get It On.” I never passed judgment on the extracurricular activities of some of my classmates, but I always questioned their dedication to sound tradecraft practices and wondered if there shouldn’t be a separate graded category for that particular skill set. If they can’t pull off a simple adulterous affair on friendly soil without half of us knowing exactly what’s going on, how can they expect to run clandestine operations overseas? If and when I’m ever an instructor at the Farm, you can bet your ass (so to speak) that I will grade students on their ability to keep their secret liaisons secret.

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